we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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