I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
vagina is talking i cant
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
