he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
