i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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