We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
