Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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