upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
