I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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