Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
