The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
