Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
