Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize