I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
