Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
someone owes me an orgasm
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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