Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
