I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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