Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
