worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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