Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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