And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
