today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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