so explain again why im purple
no
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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