Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
