Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
