we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
