dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize