Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
