Plan B is the new Plan A
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
