4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
