I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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