After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Shame is for Republicans.
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