My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
