i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize