girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
