you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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