There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
