dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can't just leave with hair like that
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
