Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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