so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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