I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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