My friends, they love my intelligence
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
