I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
