I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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