hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
