The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
false alarm, still single
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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