just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i think my cat just said my name.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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