her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
