the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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