Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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