Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
