Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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