I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
