Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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