??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
