I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
