Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize