people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
