what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
