So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
