my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Found your dick twin last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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