im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize