In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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