That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your cock deserves a montage
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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