I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
