I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
