Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
