____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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