I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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