i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
