I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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