Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize