she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
