I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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