I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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