I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
