Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
