and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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