How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
