What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
