Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
