The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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