Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
