My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize