i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
