FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
