I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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