Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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