I got chris browned last night
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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