Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
