hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she peed on how many people?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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