they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
