well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
