I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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