it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
